Well, it still sucks, but it’s getting easier?
It took a good two weeks before I stopped needing mindless distractions on Netflix to distract me from work anxiety, pandemic anxiety, and just general anxiety until it was time to sleep. It was rough.
My bestie has been so good to me during all of this; she’s found my low-carb bread and left it on my doorstep, she’s made me masks so I can go out for groceries with a little less fear…she’s been awesome, and I can’t thank her enough. But man, for those two weeks, even when I knew she was dropping stuff off for me, even when she was offering me a ride to the dealership when my car needed service (what a time for my Check Engine light to come on), I couldn’t. The thought of seeing her face and knowing that she couldn’t come up and hang out for a while, or I couldn’t give her a hug, reduced me to tears. Just the thought of it was enough.
That’s gotten better.
I’ve gotten better acquainted with my neighbors through all of this, and we’ve offered to get groceries here and there as we head out on our food runs. That’s been nice, knowing that I’m not alone. One of my neighbors and I have kind of bonded as bird nerds as we both tried to figure out which birds are in our neck of the woods, especially the morning songbirds (btw, the white-throated sparrow is the bane of my existence).
I’ve done a little retail therapy – it’s hard not to shop in a situation like this. I did receive my chair and it’s been a GODSEND for my back and my butt and my neck as I continue to work from home. I’ve also gotten some new
work clothes jammies when they went on sale. After I got my stimulus check I backed a couple kickstarters and bought some art directly from the artists to help them out a little too. The rest has gone into savings and will stay there as best as I can keep it there.
My work anxiety has eased off a good deal and I can approach my day with a little more chill than before. With my boss’s okay and encouragement, I’ve even put in for a couple vacation days next week. I’m still grateful to be able to work from home and earning a paycheck without worrying about the near-to-not-so-near future. It’s a little disconcerting working for a juggernaut of a corporation, but in these times, the job security is worth a little discomfort.
I’m still worried about getting sick, but I’m doing my best to maintain social distancing and only going out for groceries or the occasional I’M SICK OF COOKING AND NEED FAST FOOD run. It’s been a month without Starbucks; there may be a latte run in my near future, or I may order an espresso machine.
I get out for walks every day to get some sunlight and fresh air; my community is quiet enough that I have a route that lets me avoid most people. I’ve also (weather permitting) taken some time each day to just sit on my balcony and either knit or read or just enjoy the milder weather with a cup of coffee.
I’ve watched Tiger King. Hoo-boy. Enough said about that fascinating train wreck.
I’ve relaxed enough that I’m knitting again. I’m almost done a super cute cowl that I’ll post pictures of when I’m finished.
I’m still gaming! Our tabletop group has started gaming via video chat, and that’s done a lot for my mental health to see friendly faces and catch up about what’s going on with all of us during quarantine.
I’m considering relocating my workstation from the living room to the guest room in order to create some mental separation from my “office” to my home. I may do that on my long weekend next week. I can still watch Critical Role during my work day without having to have it on the big screen.
I avoid the news. I get the headlines from my social media feed and that’s enough to keep me informed without sending me into a pandemic panic spiral.
I took a needed chance this week and went to see my physical therapist, as the two weeks of anxiety meant I wasn’t doing any of my exercises for my Achilles tendinitis, and my calf had gotten so tight that I knew I needed to hit a “reset button” by getting dry needling. Oh my god, it hurt like fuck but it’s already doing better two days later.
Overall, I’m doing better than that first week, but it’s still stressful here and there.
I miss being able to go out anywhere without mentally hitting the 14-day countdown clock of, “Will I develop symptoms because of this trip?”
I worry about my mom or extended family getting sick.
I wonder what the end of this is going to look like, coming out of this safety hibernation and trying to readjust to the new routines, to say nothing of what our new normal is going to become when those in power try to get us “back to the way things were”. This is a defining event for our country. I’m scared to be living in it but I’m still hopeful that we come out of it with some positive changes.
Stay home, everyone. Stay safe, stay healthy.